Layers of You (What a Trifle)

Ingredients

• 6 sponge fingers (real soft like your skin, girl)
• 6 dashes of sherry (dry like your humour, girl)
• 150g berries plus a handful for the top (fruity like that rosé from the corner shop you like, girl)
• 150g jelly (liquid like how my legs quiver when you’re around, girl)
• Custard and cream (smooth as my crooning lines, girl)

Instructions

And a-one, and a-two, and-a–

3. Break all six of those sponge fingers
   like my heart on a winter’s night.
   [Horn section]
4. Douse them with six dashes of sherry.
   (Lay in a bowl, under the tree.)
   Babe, our Christmas could still be merry.
   (But for now, let’s wait and seeee.)
5. So come on, girl, add the berries.
6. Next, oh baby, yes! The jelly.
   Pour it all over—
   —on tohhhhhhhhp.
7. [Horn section blares]
8. [Key change.]
9. Oh, these layers remind me of you, girl.
   Sweet and complex – just like you, girl.
10. Let it settle. Let it set.
    Just like the very first time that we met…
    I see all the layers of you.
11. [Obnoxious jingle bell refrain for several
    hours while your jelly sets in the fridge.]
12. Custard, oooooh – vanilla or egg, girl?
    Smooth it over with a spatula. (Girl.)
13. On top of custard, goes the cream, babe.
    Whipped up like a Christmas dream, babe.
14. Theeeeeennnnnn….
    [Horn section blares]
15. More berries on TOP.
    I don’t want to STOP.
    I’m set on yooouuu.
16. [Music fades]
17. [Vocal solo]
    All the layers of yoooOOOOuuuUUUuuUUUUooouuu.

Next year, Mariah Carey shares her recipe for a classic yuuu-OOOOO-oooh-oooo-oOoOoOoOoh-uuule log.